On growing up

When I grow up, I am going to bake cookies whenever I want.

Even when I really don't want to make cookies. Even when I actually just want to eat cookie dough and watch tv. And the baking part is just kind of an annoying inconvenience to me, so I just make two pans full of big cookies and stick them both in the oven at the same time and take some dough and go watch the tv. And I forget to set the oven timer and burn the whole batch.

I wish I could be a little girl forever.




When I grow up I am going to drive a car wherever I like. Cool places like road trips and holidays.

And places like work, and home, and grocery shopping, and work, and home, and grocery shopping, and the ga$ $tation, and to the dealer$hip for tire$ and oil change$ and oh, it needs a new tran$mi$$ion you $ay? And how about the battery dies and I decide to jump it with my van and set both vehicles on fire at once?

I wish I could be a little girl forever.



When I grow up I am going to buy cool things like cups and plates to put in my own kitchen cupboards wherever I want.

Only it seems like the only things I buy go either in the laundry room or the fridge. And in order to put stuff in the fridge I need to clean the icky stuff out of the fruit drawer. And then I look down at my tubby self and decide that this week, I will definitely eat the fruit I bought.

I wish I could be a little girl forever.



When I grow up, I will be able to read as long as I like and nobody will tell me I have to stop to go to school or eat supper or do the dishes or anything.

And every time I read for a while the boy gets cranky because he's been watching TV all day long and the husband gets cranky because I am not paying any attention to him and sometimes I wonder if I aimed this book just right if I could knock them both out with one shot... but it doesn't matter anyways because I have to go to work.

I wish I could be a little girl forever.



When I grow up I am going to have a baby just like my doll that I can dress up and lay down in its crib and cuddle and burp.

And I can change his diapers and poo will squirt all over the place and he can cry all night for no reason. And as soon as he learns to walk he can knock his teeth out on a window sill and then one night he can puke all over his bed so I clean him up and put him in my bed and he pukes all over my bed too so we go sleep on the couch and he pukes all over that too but it's ok for daddy because he's sailing that week. And when he's bigger he can push the hazard button in the car which causes the battery to go dead which prompts me to try and boost it with the van. And then he can natter on endlessly about what's 8 plus 2 and doesn't a 2 look like an upside down 5 and also doesn't a 6 look like an upside down 9 and how do houses turn into rocket ships and please stop talking for five minutes please. And then he snuggles up to me, and winds his arms around my neck and says I love you mostly all the way to the whole sky and gives me a kiss right on the lips.

I wish he could be a little boy forever.